Our first time at the biggest Erotic Lifestyle Fair in the Netherlands. We came, we saw, we had sex in public for the first time. Wait, what!?
‘Wanna go to KamaSutrA?’ my GF asked me.
Granted, she simply pronounced it ‘kamasutra’, without the curious CapiTalS. Don’t know why it’s spelled like that. But no matter, this wasn’t about linguistics – she simply asked me to accompany her to the Netherlands’ biggest Erotic Lifestyle Fair. So I said: sure!
Wait, hold up. I’m going to KamaSutrA? But that’s for middle aged sad people, isn’t it?
Oh, prejudice. I’m so glad I’m leaving you behind…
Like everyone in Holland, I have heard of the Kama. It’s been around since 1999 and is held twice a year. But do I really know what goes on there? Not a clue. I expect you can buy sex toys and porn DVD’s there, and maybe watch a show, but that’s about it. I go in planning to burn some money on quality porn, and other than that, be surprised.
Well, surprised I was. Both at how cheap and trashy it all is, and how utterly awesome at the same time!
Cheap and trashy
Let’s start with the meh. It’s sponsored by miranda.nl, so that means no Mail & Female, Christine Le Duc or other peddlers of quality smut. The DVD palace hawked such excellent wares as ‘Grannies Anal Gape’, ‘Sperma Schluck Teenies’ and ‘Ghetto Bitches’. You know, just complete and total garbage.
We did manage to salvage an Eddie Powell title, which we shall review here soon, and a vampire themed porn for my GF (who’s a Buffy the Vampire Slayer buff, so she likes that shit), but it really was saddening to see how low the bar still is. No Erika Lust, no Blue Artichoke, no Sensate, Crash Pad or Petra Joy. I mean, come on people!
Other than bad DVD’s, there’s endless booths selling the same sex toys and they’re stocked like market stalls. If you’re looking for caviar and oysters you’ll be disappointed, for the foods available are meatball sandwiches and fries. The stripper shows are pretty lame, and although I love my old friends from Dutchroxy.com (and my GF thinks they’re sweet as well), you can hardly call their brand of amateur porn classy. But hey, if you’re into that, they have an XL stand where you can do an ‘erotic photo shoot’ with Roxy and Sonja.
Now, on with the good stuff, for despite the low-end vibe we still had an amazing time. Having secured a luscious seat at the champagne bar, we plan our strategy. First, we’ll scan the floor some more. Then, we take a peep at the ‘hotel rooms’, where it’s rumored you can watch other visitors do unspeakable things… and round off with drinks in the ominously called ‘Swinger’s Cafe’.
So onward we go, back into the marketplace. We browse a booth with amazing custom made nipple jewellery, buy a beautiful and very sexy Venetian Mask and a joke sex toy (a tongue vibrator, which doesn’t stay in place), until I find something truly amazing at an art stand: two very rare Giovanna Casotto comics. She’s an amazing Italian artist, and I’ve been looking for her albums for ten years. I buy them on the spot, and a copy of Perversia 1 to boot. Signed by the author, in style…
The Hotel Rooms are something else. For five euros, you can either rent a room, or enter the peeping gallery. The gallery has one-way glass that allows you to see everything that goes on in the three adjoining ‘hotel rooms’… and you may return all day to peep some more.
As we enter the gallery, a heavyset couple is right in the middle of some light S&M play. She’s tied to the bed, legs spread open, and he whips her with a leather Cat-o-nine-tails. Judging from his thick, stubby hard-on, he is enjoying himself immensely. And we can’t hear, but it looks like she’s moaning with delight at his flogging. It’s amazing to watch regular, everyday people letting go like that, and we watch in fascination.
But… no erection or wetness in the pants. Not yet, anyway.
The highlight of our day was the swinger’s bar. From the bar area you can enter the catacombs. There are many dimly lit alcoves with matrasses and pillows where you’re free to do whatever you want – so long as you use a condom and the towels provided at the entrance. My GF stares fascinatedly at a wall of gloryholes. Music leaks in from the main stage area. Other than that, all is quiet. Someone moans. A whisper in the dark. Yet it all feels surprisingly non-creepy.
After a white wine at the bar, we enter the labyrinth and make our way past couples kissing, undressing, and just plain doin’ it! Sometimes, other people are looking on, sometimes, there’s no one. Some are old, some are young. The atmosphere is one of openminded acceptance.
Slowly, we walk on – until we discover a very hot couple engaging in soixante-neuf. Her round, Indian ass hovering above his face. Him licking and sucking her with hungy affection that’s amazing to watch, especially this close and personal.
We pause. Other people also hold still. The sexual tension is palpable. I get hard. My GF starts breathing heavily. We kiss. Other people kiss and start rubbing each other. Give it a few more minutes and we have a full blown orgy on our hands… we decide to get another drink, then find a bed for ourselves.
Wait, hold up, what? Is this really happening? Are we actually going to have sex, here, where other people can see us?
That is exactly what we do.
Not all the way, mind you. First, we find a round bed in a quiet corner away, from the main prowling route. At least, that’s what we think. We climb onto the bed all giddy (someone before us left a wet souvenir on the rubber sheets), and keep looking nervously at the corridor. Nobody there.
We have sweet, clumsy sex with lots of kissing and laughing. She rubs me and gives me head, then starts to undress until she’s got nothing on but her black and white lace bra and turquoise briefs, which appear black in the dim red lights. My jeans come off. We kiss and I move her underwear to the side to stroke her pussy. She lays back comfortably with her legs half open, her wetness on full display
After a while, we look up. What the…!? Seven people are surrounding us. Two men are getting blown… one couple and a pretty single girl are watching us. It’s totally unreal. Where did these people come from – did WE start this orgy?! OMG!
Wow. We get a bit self conscious, and relax back into the pillows with some wine. For a while, nothing happens. ‘Party’s over, people,’ my GF smiles. Slowly people start trickling out. We look for our clothes (briefly sending my GF into a panic as she can’t find her socks…), get dressed, and leave the round bed for the next couple’s party.
We feel incredible. This was one of the weirdest experiences of our lives – but also one of the best, and it’s given us a taste for more!
We have one more glass of wine before we leave the KamaSutrA Fair to find a nice restaurant where we come to our senses. Then, it’s off to home. After that… you figure it out :)